More variations on Spotto – The Song of the Magic Goop – Lions on Gateposts – Calories in an e-battery – Not That Chicken Song – The French Neutron Bomb – The Revenge of the Wombles
1. More variations on Spotto. I think I may have mentioned some of these before, but boat-o continues to be a firm favourite, especially when the boat is doing something unexpected like decorating a roundabout. But another variation on this is “Hymer!” You have to say Hymer in a special high voice like “Elmerrrrr!”, and you say it when you see a Hymer motorhome.
Oh yes, and another current one is Clog-o vs Brit-o. They both have yellow rear plates so are easy to spot when they whoosh past. Sid is currently winning with 5 Cloggos to my 3 Brittos. Luxembourg plates don’t count.
2. The Song of the Magic Goop. The current tube is called Voltaren Emulgel, and so definitely deserves a song in its honour. This is sung to the tune of “We’re hanging out the washing on the Siegfried Line”.
We’ve got Voltaren Emulgel upon our knees
This is how we cycle down the road
We’ve got Voltaren Emulgel upon our knees
‘Cos it keeps us feeling bold.
Even if the wind creates a mighty breeze
We’ll cycle on without a care!
For we’ve got Voltaren Emulgel upon our knees
It’s the goop we love right there!
3. Lions on gateposts. I think, if you are going to have statues of lions on your gateposts, they should be mirror images of each other. So each one has its inside paw up on the shield. Having them both with their left paw on the shield just feels a bit lazy, like you saw one statue you liked and just bought two of them. The sole exception I will make for this is if you have a statue of an Egyptian bird-headed god because as we know they always walk to the right while keeping their shoulders facing forward. (Time to sing “Walk like an E-gyp-shun” for the next few km.)
4. How many calories are there in an e-bike battery? The public need to know.
5. Chickens. Reminds me of a song I was taught in junior school French, to be sung to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. This is not one of mine, although I think you will be impressed by my French Accent at the end of lines 3 and 4.
Quand trois poules vont aux champs
La première va devant
La deuxième suit la premièrrrrrr-euh
La troisième vient la dernièrrrrrr-euh
Quand trois poules vont aux champs
La première va devant
6. The French Neutron Bomb. When a French village is shut, it is very very very shut indeed. Even the dogs are not there. Nobody is there. Do you remember some time in Germany I wrote that you can tell what day of the week it is by the people in the street? Not so here. There are no people. Hellooooo!!! Sid goes along making the “Tumbleweed” noise from Westerns and there is nobody to be offended or indeed entertained.
7. Madame Cholet. Once again we loop back to the early days of the ride, when I was haunted by the song (I hestitate to type it even now) Wombling Merry Christmas. And so yesterday as we were plotting a route to and through Cholet, Sid remarked casually “of course that was one of the Wombles”. Well, I beg your pardon but I don’t think it was. Tobermoray, Wellington, Orinocco and Great Uncle Bulgaria yes. But not… oh no… there was a cook lady womble… Madame Cholet! Aargh!