A-spire-ations

I have been thinking about church spires, as you do.

Many of the spires in France (and probably in the UK too, I will check when we get back, cf “Hertfordshire Spike”) look like they built a tower first and then went for the post-factory upgrade once they’d saved up some more money, or as spire fashions changed.

As we cycle past the churches, echos of conversations from the past can be heard.

“Pierre, I have some good news.  We have raised much more money for the new spire than we had hoped.”
“Henri, that is excellent.  Let’s have a clock.”
“We already have a clock on the original tower.”
“OK, lets have some square pillars with triangular tops over the windows.”
“We’ve got lots more money than that, we can be more ambitious.”
“Hmm.  OK can we also afford an octagonal thingy?  With windows and a balcony round the top?  And a sort of two level domed roof?”
(Scribbling busily) “Yes yes keep going.”
“And a really fancy gold statue on the top, super shiny and glittering in the sun.  And I tell you what, if we’ve STILL got money left over then build little towers on the top corners, as many as we can afford.”

“Bertrand, I have some good news and some bad news.  The bad news is that we have raised less money for the new spire than we had hoped.  But the good news is that the local manufacturer of shiny grey tiles has said that he will give us all the tiles we need, for free.”
“OK Guillaume, so what can we afford?”
“Well, I have a great plan.  If we cover the spire all over in shiny grey tiles then we can afford it, and we can even buy a little clock for each side.  I’ve got a picture of what it will look like.”
Unveils picture.
Silence.
A long silence.
“OK Guillaume, let’s put an iron cross on the top to try to draw attention away from the rest of it.  I’ll pay for the cross.”

“Francois, have you seen what those b***tards in the next town have done?  They’ve put a spire on their church!”
“Put a spire on our church, my wife keeps nagging me to make a big donation and it’s better than adding yet another chapel.”
(a few weeks pass)
“They’ve put twiddly bits on their spire!”
“Add twiddly bits and make sure that we out-twiddle their twiddly bits.”
(a few weeks pass)
“They’ve got balconies now!”
“Add balconies.  Make it very clear that we have more, twiddlier balconies than they could ever hope to to have.  And look, I am getting fed up with this.  Put a sort of mini-spire up the side that shows how stupidly pathetic their spire is compared with our grand edifice.”