What do you think about when cycling? – Part 6

Holiday Money – Reasons not to compete in the Tour de France – Crusades – Gypsy Kings – Skin colours – Wiry Old Gents – Reasons to Hate Other People – Poetry

1. Holiday Money

There is a concept of “intaxification” which is the pleasure when the tax man gives you back some “free” money which you have already paid as tax.  Well, the same applies to holiday money.  On this first part of the Epic Journey we are going through lots of different currencies – Czech Horuna, Hungarian Forints, Serbian Dinars, Bulgarian Levs and now Turkish Lira.  I take the greatest care to buy currencies at the best rate, but as you leave the country you have a pile of small bits and bobs to get rid of.  Hooray, free money! we cry, trying to buy useful things before leaving the last bits in a church (a policy that worked splendidly till we ran out of churches in approximately Serbia).

Anyway, one of the things that we buy with the leftover money is cereal bar-type snacks, and on leaving Hungary I made a mistake and bought some deathly dull dry oaty biscuits (a box of 6 packets of 3) which have been stuck in the luggage ever since. They remind me very strongly of Terry Pratchett’s concept of “dwarf bread” as explained in “Witches Abroad” (no I am not going to put the quotes in here, you can enjoy reading the book yourself).

2. Reasons not to compete in the Tour de France

The other day I was looking at the view and thought “That’s a reason why I don’t want to compete in the Tour de France.  They never have time to look at the view.”

Which got me thinking of other reasons why I didn’t want to compete in the Tour de France.  They never have the opportunity to get all the free goodies from the publicity caravan, and I bet even if Geraint Thomas did manage to snaffle a small packet of Gummy Bears (and it is not easy to beat a determined French Little Old Lady to pick up a freebie) then Dave Brailsford wouldn’t let him eat them, or he’d be sent back to get 30 packets for his teammates.

3. Crusades

Wow, we are still in the area that people would have marched through on their way to crusades.  That’s a long way on foot.  No wonder they took several years.  I wonder who got the harvest in while they were away?

4. Gypsy Kings

We saw a poster for The Gypsies (subheading: Original Members of the Gipsy Kings) in Nova Zagora and now we are cycling along singing “Gonzalez! Oo-hoo! Gimme Gonzalez! Oo-hoo-hoo-hoo!”  Maybe we should have learned the original words.  Maybe it wouldn’t have made any difference.

Also “Bai-la bai-la bai-la bai-la” which we decided was the songs that the gigolos sang as they waved off one set of sun-reddened brits onto the cheap flight before welcoming the next set. Bai-la of course, would be the Spanish word for bunga-bunga.

5. Skin colours

Serbia was totally 100% white.  It was interesting in the evening square that you could tell the difference between the farmworkers and the officeworkers by how pale or burned they were.   As we came through Bulgaria and now Turkey we are starting to see a wider spectrum of colours again, which feels a bit more normal to me.

6. WOGs and TOJers.

Sorry for the politically incorrect abbreviations.  In France we saw a lot of Wiry Old Gents on bikes and also Tough Old Judies.  Legs like bags of walnuts etc, and a commitment to cycling up their favourite hill every week to make sure they still can.  Please suggest better terms for this well-known phenomenon, as we are hoping to turn into them if we don’t expire from worn-out-body-syndrome first.

7. Reasons to Hate Other People Part 49.

In Turkey we design our houses using triangles.
We are not like Bulgarians who design their houses using squares.
This is why we must kill them.
Also the woodwork is easier if you are trying to make a triangle.

8. Poetry

Yes, enough of that song rubbish, it’s time for some poetry.  Inspired by today’s villages:

On the divan
Of the Ottoman
In Safaalan
Sits Stan
The Bicycle Man
For as long as he can

I think I am
In Binkilic
I stink a bit
In Binkilic
But if I wink
In Binkilic
They ignore my stink
In Binkilic.