What do you think about when cycling? – part 7

Hot air hand dryers – More reasons not to compete in the Tour de France – Vending machines – Stones on the roof – Major Bumsore – The Milestone Question – Prevailing winds, truly.

1. Hot air hand dryers

I used to LOOOOVE hot air hand dryers when I had a motorbike.  I remember sitting under one in a motorway service station, defrosting gently, every 15 seconds reaching up to press the button again.

But now, as I sweat greasily along in the south of Italy, I really LOOOOVE a toiletta with hand towels.  Splash cold water everywhere, rinse all the grease off my face (did it really all come out of my face? surely not because I am a Delicate Flower that cannot ooze that much stuff) and then use 3 or 4 paper towels to restore myself to a semi-normal human being, one that is just 2 or 3 SD’s toward the left hand end of the bell curve.

2. More reasons not to compete in the Tour de France

I am so pleased that Team Mitchelton Scott didn’t choose me again this year.  The current fashion in professional cycling is to eat rice rather than pasta.   And what about Powerade, coffee, gelato?  I bet they are all banned by various grumpy old men. 

Also the goop that I rub onto my knees is almost certainly banned.  Or worse, it’s not, and then I would lose my belief in it.

3. Vending machine update

Wow-ee! A “24 hour cafe” – a whole shop devoted to vending machines!! I knew these existed in vibrant metropolitan areas like Tokyo and New York but I was somehow unprepared to find one in Barletta.

4.  I keep stones on my roof.

It keeps my roof on.  Or perhaps it keeps my stone collection safe.  Anyway nobody has stolen my roof or my stones since I did this.  I think you’ll agree that that proves something.

5. For some reason, we keep remembering a phrase “20 Years in the Saddle” by Major Bumsore.  No idea where that came from.  Probably another urban myth like the characters in Captain Pugwash which never did include Roger the Cabin Boy.  Also reminds us that our friend Chris Renwick sent us a photo captioned “If you can’t find the book you want” and featuring a picture of the Wong Foo King Bookshop.  My, how the miles fly past.

6.  What do people on the continent call a milestone?  Just wondering.  There’s no Googling when you’re on a bicycle.

7.  Talking of Edwin the HeadWind, we have noticed a very irritating habit in the prevailing winds to prevail the wrong way.  They prevail from the south as you go down through Turkey, from the west as you cross Greece, from the north up the Adriatic coast of Italy, and now through the Appenines from the west as we cross towards the east.  If you are reading this blog with the vague idea you might also do this journey, I can strongly recommend doing it the other way round.

But I will leave you with one of our favourite tiny little sailing jokes.  “There’s a lot of wind!” “Truly?” “Apparently!”  And of course when it’s hot you don’t really want a tail wind because there’s a risk that it will cancel out with your speed, and you end up cycling through a sauna.  Apparently.