Two days ago we had National Sitting By The Side Of The Road Day. This is a really important sport in Bulgaria and most people have purpose-built facilities outside their houses in order to do it. Less fortunate individuals have to make do with plastic chairs (we were especially impressed by a grandma/grandpa combo who had brought their grandchild outside to train him early) and a series of steps on two official/disused buildings on opposite corners – one set had three elderly ladies and the other set three equally elderly gents. We did feel sorry for the inhabitants of one village however who seemed to have some sort of mandated health kick going on, so the whole village was having to have Stand By The Side Of The Road Day instead.
Do you remember the Serbian habit of posting portraits of dead people on public street furniture? “We do it in Bulgaria, of course. But they are portraits, you understand, so the paper is in portrait format. That is why it is called portrait format. That is the only way that you should do it. The other people are wrong, and maybe we should invade their country and kill them all.”
I was delighted to spot this garden ornament, made from an old car tyre. This picture is dedicated to Joe, and if it wasn’t for the #virtualsouvenir rule then I’d have rushed in to the house and demanded to buy it from them. I think it would make an exquisite garden ornament for his fine home, and I am sure all his neighbours would be charmed. In fact I guess I will be able to find its location from my iphone picture information… perhaps I will go back there one day…
I have been musing on the phrase “softer than a butterfly’s kiss”. You might like to know that there is nothing especially soft about being smacked in the face by a pair of Large Orange and Black Butterflies (LOBBs) at 24kph. Mind you, the LOBBs say that they aren’t particularly keen on the idea either, as having your entrails transformed into some sort of exotic monkey facepaint can often offend. Actually I like butterflies and I have seen lots of them, there are some particularly pretty black ones with white spots recently, although mainly I tend to see them lying dead on the road. The only thing that terminally p*sses me off about butterflies is when I am grinding uphill through a forest and they come round me swoop flutter swoop flutter and then look at me zoomy zoomy flutter they zap off uphill at least twice my speed. Mind you the little b*ggers don’t have much staying power and I can normally triumph over them after about 200m or 5 sweaty minutes whichever happens first. Ha ha! 70kg human 1 point, 0.25g butterfly nil points, that’s evolution for you. (But cf Douglas Adams’ comments on dolphins.)
And finally we have some more songs to share with you. Songs make the kilometres go by, and they are very important when you are trying to displace an earlier earworm. I started to try to tell you about my earworm-of-the-day but I found that it just cemented them in place, and seven weeks with the Wombles is getting a bit trying. I think you will find these Very Intellectual.
The Song Of The Mosquitoes:
We bite you on your bum
It is a lot of fun
You put upon the ointment
And hope it will go numb
Deet deet deet
Spray it on your feet
It will do not good
We’ll find some other blood
We land upon your head
You hit yourself instead
Nee nee nee
You wish that we were dead
The Song Of Panties
Panties are important
You wear them on your bum
You do not wear them on your head
Because your bum is numb
(that one might need a bit of work)
The Song Of Soggy Socks
Today your socks they didn’t dry
They’re clammy and they’re chilly.
Now you must put them on your feet
And not upon your…
oh I am terribly sorry I think Mifter Bat must have got at that one.
I am spending the afternoon contemplating where to put the tire swan. I think I may ask a local of Bulgarian ancestry to use the biggest tractor tire available and see if we can do this right. A flock may be nice? So, I looked up the collective noun for swans, and found: herd, game, flock, fanfare, bevy, bank, and ballet. How can one refuse fanfare or ballet? Clearly, we will be using multiple tires.
I think all three of those songs demand to be arranged in the barbershop style ^.^
Did you notice loudspeakers down those streets where people “sit by the side of the road “;so everyone can also listen to the same music while sitting by the road ? Love reading your blog , brought back many happy memories and is inspiring plans for our retirement too.
Anna from the cruise boat who believes in power of topical gloop.
No! I didn't notice the loudspeakers, what a fab idea (and what a rich potential source of inter-neighbourly conflict).
Did I thank you enough for the Topical Gloop View? I decided that the best solution was to believe in it fervently to get any extra uplift from a placebo effect too.
The original prescription was for a particular brand of stuff, however when I went into the pharmacy they said "garble garble bog dat" which I assumed meant "we don't stock that but this is the same active ingredient in a different tube". We have been rubbing it on religiously and are now on our 3rd tube, each bought by showing the previous tube and taking the product offered. I fear this might have transformed by a sort of pharmaceutical chinese whispers into KY Jelly or nappy cream or flea bite ointment, but who cares, we still believe and it is still working.
Thus are superstitions and taboos made…